Evil Dead Remake!!! Late, but I've had it saved for a few days now.

“EVIL DEAD” The remake

I am not a fan of remakes.

That’s not to say that I condemn them out of hand or refuse to watch a remake, only that I have not seen too many that have brought a major justification to the table for their existence. Often they’re only pale imitations of the original or they just aren’t very good to begin with. In a few instances, the movie just blatantly spits in the face of the original and delivers a new ‘vision’ that does nothing that the film maker believes it does. On a rare occasion there are some very good remakes, however… especially when the source material begins with something that maybe didn’t do so well or where something is blatantly a product of its own time and could be retold with a fresh outlook based on a new generation.

And then, even rarer, the remake just stands on its’ own merits. Such is the case with “Evil Dead”, a remake of the Sam Raimi classic which starred Bruce Campbell and got a good number of people started in the business. But this isn’t a continuation of the story begun so many years ago, this isn’t a remake that includes the two sequels, this is a straight up “5 kids go to the woods and get possessed” remake of ONLY the original film. It’s a formula brought to snarky parody in recent films like “Tucker and Dale vs. Evil” and “Cabin in the Woods”, the latter of which is referenced by a local reviewer who wonders why this movie was even made since the formula had so richly been played out since the films initial release. The same reviewer wonders why Sam Raimi would greenlight the production, act as an executive producer along with the original films’ other makers, and generally laments the lack of “soul” and execution from this films creators. A reader might actually wonder if the reviewer actually watched the original film, or if they only vaguely recollect the basics given the cult status of the films popularity. I rarely tend to agree with the reviewer, who seems to fashion herself some sort of a "fangirl" who quickly bashes any genre film that doesn't immediately capitulate to her feminist views and somehow act as an apology to all the male chauvinist sexism spread throughout the years. Yeah, I'd say I'm not a fan but I honestly look forward to her reviews in the newspaper because they differ so vastly from my own.

“Evil Dead” may not be a parody, but it’s still one of the most hilariously gory films to ever reach my local multiplex. The screen is painted red with blood and there are visceral scenes of unbelievable cruelty as the five characters are forced to cope with the awful horror they accidentally unleash.  The flimsy excuse for these five to be so secluded is that our lead character, Mia, is undergoing a cold-turkey rehab from some unnamed substance abuse problem. After finding and reading passages from the book, the rest of the group continuously excuse the erratic, violent, and self-abusive behavior from Mia to be a result of the hardcore detox. This confusion is played to both serious and comedic effect as Mia’s actions become much increasingly intense and the ‘reader’ of the book (Eric) starts to fit the puzzle together and figures that Mia has become possessed.There's an especially hilarious moment when Eric is trying to tell Mia's brother, David, what he thinks is happening and David keeps questioning the theory.

Oh, the characters… the ones we’re supposed to care about are David and Mia, the estranged brother and sister. David is here to help his sister after having grown apart from her and his dying mother. There's a bit of a history referenced here between the two characters as they opine over photographs that seem to have been taken some time in the past. Of course, the photo looks about a week old and everyone in it has the same hair style as they currently have in the film so... uhm... how much time have these two been apart? Don't worry, you won't get an answer. This is just flimsy back story exposition. Eric and Olivia are the childhood friends struggling to help Mia through her addiction, both of whom harbor feelings of resentment for David since he seems to have disappeared from all of their lives some amount of time ago. Natalie rounds out the group as David’s girlfriend, who is as blank a slate as they come when it came to character development. Seriously, she's introduced with only the slightest of waves and barely says anything through most of the rest of the movie. You sort of know she's just fodder going in, so that kind of adds to the comedy a little later in the film. Most of the problems between David and Mia are explained through scenes of stilted exposition dialogue that comes off as largely awkward, though Mia’s performance is pretty strong despite the writing. Her possession is well played to horrific effect, and when the poop hits the fan it TRULY hits the fan.

I know it sounds like I’m being a little cruel to the film, but this is what it is… another cabin in the woods movie. It’s a remake of a classic. It doesn’t need to reinvent the wheel to be entertaining, and entertaining is precisely what it is. The formula isn’t ‘dead’ just because Joss Whedon wrote a film that offered a parody on the tropes delivered, it’s still a fun concept and good way to make a scary movie. The actors playing Eric and Mia tend to stand out while the others just sort of blend into the background… but it’s not a situation where the movie is "bad but at least it has gore", it’s a fun little spook ride at the amusement park with lots of influences from various horror movies. It plays with clichés, dances with the hardcore fanbase, and generally has some good stuff to offer.

4 out of 5.

Circle Mirror Transformation: At the Stardust Theater

Circle Mirror Transformation is awkwardly hilarious. That's my first and most prevalent thought throughout the show... the awkward interaction between the characters, long moments of uncomfortable silence, and the general feeling of discomfort when people simply don't seem able to communicate. The story revolves around a community acting class focused on the "touchy-feely" exercises on improvisation, self-revelatory monologues, and other similar activities designed to improve awareness and communication. The six week course is shown through a series of vignettes as the characters become caught up in the exercises and their personal relationships with one another.

The instructor is "Marty" (Judie Rogers Swartz), whose work has been focused on children's' classes but is finally able to bring her love of theater to adults with this new program. Constantly cheerful and optimistic, Marty attempts to convey that the participants are participating in important exercises in abstract theater. She is most heavily challenged by the groups youngest member, Lauren (Hannah Maurine Schmidt), whose attitude prevents her from seeing the purpose in many of the exercises being taught. Swartz brings several layers to the character of Marty and her cheerfulness is often pulled back to reveal a deep hurt, frustration, and even hope as events transpire.

Shane Dallmann is Marty's husband, James. Described as an "aging hippie", James is coerced into attending the class and doesn't seem to understand what the exercises are for. At first seeming like a gentle father-figure, James' history is revealed early in the play and we see the antagonistic nature of that history play out throughout the six week course. He is estranged from his daughter, struggling with his wife's constantly positive attitude, and struggling with his own failures to commit in on a professional or emotional level with the world around him for fear of becoming "like his father".

Theresa is a former actress who left her life and boyfriend in New York to find a quieter life in Vermont. Of all the participants, Theresa seems to fully embrace the abstract exercises and constantly seeks to "perform" at every opportunity. Tatum Tollner brings a lot of humor and a certain degree of "siren"-like to quality to the part as she seems to lure the attention of the groups' men.

The group is rounded by "Schultz", a recently divorced man reaching out for personal contact with the world around him. He is probably the most vulnerable member of the group, and Matthew T. Pavellas yanks back many rules on personal interaction to great comedic effect throughout the show. Shy, uncomfortable, and unaware of his own social missteps, Schultz was the character I found most easy to identify with and largely became the character I most liked.

"Are we going to be doing any real acting?" The petulant arm crossing and non-involvement from Lauren is probably the most important aspect of the show, a young girl who find herself watching and learning from the people around her. She often sits in a manner that seems so familiar, those awkward teenage years where people try to disappear into the background. She's almost always present throughout the show, watching and observing the characters and how they interact with one another. As the weeks go by, she becomes more involved and takes many of the lessons to heart. Hannah Maurine Schmidt was incredibly good with great body language to the events around her.

The shows awkward pacing is flat out brilliant for getting the most laughs from the audience, reveling in the uncomfortable silences between the characters and their body language. Director Renee Infelise should be given a huge round of applause for those large moments of silence. The sparse setting, with a mirror along one wall and a large rubber ball that moves throughout the show allows the characters to play with wide empty spaces and effectively build and take apart those invisible walls everyone constructs between themselves. Whether you've taken part in similar exercises before or not (and I have not, honestly) you will find familiar moments between the characters and the humor of communication.

Go see the show, which is currently playing at the Stardust Theater.

Warm Bodies

WARM BODIES

thoughts

The commercialism of the “zombie” product is probably one of the most ironic statements in the direction of our society as a whole. The phenomena is a little strange, a little bizarre, and maybe a little rough for the hardcore fans who have been watching these movies for decades. I mean, you have Zombie Walks, one of the top rated shows on television is about zombies, and zombies are creeping into culture on nearly every level. The staggering success in movies, comics, books, video games, and television shows has given the Hollywood Machine a fairly standard addition to their rolling assembly line of cookie cutter garbage. Nothing else so summarily describes this cultural numbness than that of the movie “Warm Bodies”.

I don’t mean that in a negative way, either.

No other movie dares to expand the zombie mythos, no other movie shatters the paradigm, and no other movie better illustrates the utter ridiculousness of the success of zombie films as  much as “Warm Bodies”. And that is not to say that the film does all of this with any such intention. In fact, it may be with the complete lack of intent that the film makers managed to make such a ridiculously moronic blend of genres into such an entertaining bit of fluff that it acts as a parody to itself in every sense you may never expect. Many people saw this movie as the “Twilight” with zombies, other people saw it as “Romeo and Juliet” with zombies, and still others saw it as cheap popcorn trash. I think there’s something much more important going on here. 

Not only were all those opinions right on the money, but they all failed to truly recognize the piece of artistic genius this film may have unintentionally created. At the core point of the story we have a zombie named “R” who falls in love with a human girl. The story is told solely from the point of view of the zombie. Now, because we are being told a story from the point of view of the monster, we have got to already take some liberties with the zombie mythos from the very start… mainly, that zombies are capable of thought. Zombies are driven by more than just the deepest of hungers. Zombies are not monsters. And in that very important decision, the film makers have completely undermined the purpose and intent of the “zombie” as a creature, as a feared monstrosity, and they’ve dressed it up in cartoonish buffoonery for the core purpose of entertainment.

Once you accept that point, it’s easy to see why this film has to bend over backwards in order to get the PG-13 rating it so richly deserved. People don’t really get ripped apart in view of the camera, there aren’t too many real ‘scare’ moments, and what ‘horror’ there is occurs just out of view of the frame… even “R”’s devouring of brains looks more like a gelatinous mass he scoops into his mouth too quickly to really count as much of anything. The zombies aren’t really scary in any way. Rob Courdry is featured in the film as R’s “best friend”, M. He brings a lot of humor and genuine emotion to his zombie character and is probably the most well developed character the film, so it’s easy to like him and root for him when the conflicts reach their apex.

The movie is a film about zombies, and rather than showing them as only “near-human” creatures capable of life, there are a group of zombies who have rotted to near skeletons and abandoned all sense of humanity. The “bonies” are driven by hunger, hate the possibility of change with their near cousins, and seek to devour both humanity and “near”-humanity with equal relish. In point of fact, these cheap CGI creatures aren’t even the decaying mockeries of life afforded to Romero’s traditional creature. These are more Harry Hausen-like walking skeletons from the old Sinbad movies… choppy movements, constant leering grins, and a total lack of any real horror to be found in most zombie films.

Fans of Zombie movies aren’t going to find much to be impressed with in regards to “Warm Bodies” as an entry into their much-beloved genre… it’s teen-age soft-core horror at best, an amusing parody, and an unintended satire on the state of our society at this point in time. It’s a perversion of the core themes found in all the genre’s mixed into this little twisted salad… “Romeo And Juliet” is not a romance, it’s a tragedy. “Zombies” are not about misunderstood creatures that need a little love. And “Twilight” doesn’t come anywhere close to making the kind of unintended statement this movie actually seems to thrive on. The farcical concept of bringing humanity to monsters in a contrived Zombie Apocalypse seems to be a cringe inducing nightmare waiting to happen, but the movie never promises to be anything more than what it is. It delivers on what it promises and it sort of succeeds in not being too blatant of a slap to the face in doing so.

What I think a lot of zombie fans need to remember is that these are “fictional” creatures… before George Romero brought the ghouls to the screen, zombies were the result of a voodoo ritual in tropical island movies. Different film-makers have introduced various concepts… the fast zombie, disease zombie, demonic zombie, deadite zombie, brain-eaters, alien parasites, and on and on and on. The core point was that they were mobilized walking corpses that attacked humans for whatever reason. If someone wants to make a horror flick geared toward teenagers, let them have it. Not every teen-based horror film is a travesty to the genre incapable of entertaining in any way, shape, or form. And if this movie happens to be a little less insulting than many, it should be given an opportunity of some sort.

3 out of 5.

more Pre Rumble thoughts

Deeper thoughts on the upcoming Rumble.

PRE-SHOW:  Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro for the U.S. Championship

The Miz now has a new submission hold to complete his already formidable arsenal. The Miz is an amazing in-ring worker capable of…. HAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah, no… the Figure Four Leg Lock is one of those classic holds that nearly every wrestler knows or learns at some point, and the Miz has an extremely sloppy version that takes far too long to apply than it should for a new finish. Antonio Cesaro, on the other hand, is doing a fantastic job as the United States champion and is building that title a little higher than it has previously seen. Miz doesn’t really need the U.S. title to elevate himself, but he is the bigger star in the match.

Winner: Cesaro after a dirty trick.

PPV:

Team Hell No vs. Rhodes Scholars

Team Hell No have come full circle, rebuilding the tag ranks with a couple of legitimate teams who could threaten for the gold in coming months. Now they’re set to face the Rhodes Scholars at the Rumble, and things have been going extremely well for the dynamic duo… which makes me think that they are absolutely doomed to lose those titles come Sunday. The Scholars are primed and ready for a heel run with the straps, Sandow and Rhodes having built up some decent credibility with their gimmicks and they could be a team people really want to see lose those belts down the road. Team Hell No could continue to entertain with their gimmick and their matches, but I think the time is coming where they need to break up and split with a short feud leading into Mania.

Winner: Rhodes Scholars taking advantage of miscommunication between Hell No.

LAST MAN STANDING: Alberto Del Rios (champ) vs. Big Show (World Title)

The Big Show has done a fantastic job in putting over Alberto Del Rio, cementing the Mexican stars face turn with a series of great matches that showcase the abilities of the former Luchadore. And Del Rio has also done an amazing job in finding a new niche in the WWE… his face turn has been credible, his story has meaning, and he is definitely connecting with the fans. Increasing his high flying move arsenal is helping to put over his face turn as well, and I think this match has the potential to be a huge boost for the Mexican star. I expect him to have a new finisher at the end of the night, and that the Big Show continues this feud into Elimination Chamber.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

CM Punk vs. The Rock: WWE Championship match.

This match alone would be an amazing Wrestlemania Main Event! CM Punk’s heel turn earlier this year cemented the star as the Man in the WWE, holding onto the belt by the tips of his fingers through one dirty tactic after another and another. His title reign is stuck in the craw of many fans, and having the Rock come in for a shot at the belt is definitely going to increase the buy-rate dramatically… this is Punk’s moment to shine. The verbal back and forth between the two has been epic and their brief physical encounters have been dramatic and brutal.

Winner: CM Punk by way of interference from either Brad Maddox or Brock Lesnar

I think there will probably be a Diva’s match just before the WWE title match. It hasn’t been announced that I know of, but there’s that. Mostly a breather between World and WWE title matches.

Royal Rumble:

30 men at any point in the match, and it’s one of those big gimmick matches so many people look forward to. There are usually a few returning stars who make an appearance, a few surprises, and some character building throughout the course of the Rumble.

Some predictions:

1.      Kane manages to finally eliminate more over-all superstars than Shawn Michaels.

2.      Ziggler becomes the marathon man of the night,  starting the Rumble and becoming one of the last eliminated.

3.      New Age Outlaws are both in the ring for a reunion.

4.      John Cena enters at number 27.

5.      Mick Foley is a surprise entrant.

Rumble Final Five…. The point that we all look forward to:

1.      Cena

2.      Orton

3.      Ryback

4.      Sheamus

5.      Ziggler

I can see this going down, with the Shield coming down right after the elimination of Ziggles… and my guess is that either Cena or Orton will turn heel on the other two and reveal an alliance with the Shield. I say Cena because it would be one of the best heel turns ever… it would make sense with the given storyline and how things have been progressing, leading into a showdown the Rock should he win the title. I could also see the Orton heel turn, though it would make less sense since Shield damaged his shoulder a few months back.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Mostly Cena Related.

It must be awful to go on after The Rock.

It must be terrible to be that guy who has to follow up the most electrifying man in sports entertainment. The pressure must be intense. John Cena had to be that guy on Monday Night Raw and he delivered a promo that will go down in the record books, for certain. After nonsensically rambling for nearly ten minutes and making jokes about the fans at ringside, he eventually got to the point where he said that he was going to win the Rumble… and I sort of believe him. It’s not for the right reasons that I believe him… I don’t think he’s fortified or strong or driven to win the Rumble, I just think that it’s already been scripted and he couldn’t care less who knows it. He just went through a program with Dolph Ziggler that left Mr. Ziggles looking like one of the weakest men to ever hold Money in the Bank, he’s already buried brand new debuting talent with dismissive shrugs and “charming” smiles, and he totally killed the momentum of rising star AJ Lee by his involvement in her storylines over the past year. Johnny has effectively stunted the growth of three rising stars in the WWE with his dumb “superman” gimmick and his inability to sell a match is costing the Rumble buy rates.

And this isn’t the usual “Cena Sucks” chanting I’m talking about, this is an honest analysis of his ability in that ring. He’s not a bad wrestler, he’s not horrible on the mic, but Cena is totally dropping the ball when it comes to meeting expectations and building feuds. Last years’ Mania featured the “dream match” between him and The Rock, a feud that largely depended on a yearlong build up with a war of words that John Cena found himself seriously outclassed in. He was verbally beaten down week after week until Rocky finally decided to write stuff on his forearm for the pure sake of giving Cena SOME sort of ammunition in his own promos… and the difference between Rock and Cena was never more pronounced than it was this Monday.

Cena needed to come out and build one of the most grueling matches in the history of the WWE, he had to build 29 other guys and the fact that just about any single star could possibly walk out the winner, and he had to show the WWE that he was the man to overcome the odds and walk out of the Rumble with that called shot at Wrestlemania. He succeeded in making people think that he is going to win, but that’s only because he’s the Corporate yes-man he’s always been and nothing is going to spoil that in the foreseeable future. He dismissed the Rumble match itself… cake walk so far as he’s concerned. 29 other guys? Not one of them meant a single thing to John Cena. Sheamus appears in the aisle and builds up some tension, laughed off by Johnny boy. Next guys down the aisle, and the next, and the next… no real reaction from Cena.

We also have Rock facing Punk for the WWE title, and there has never been a more clearly defined difference between two major stars (Rock and Cena) than in what we saw from the most electrifying man. We saw Rock build up the long title reign of CM Punk, we saw him acknowledge everything that Punk has done during his reign, that it is noteworthy, and that Punk is just as bad as he says he is. (Contrast that with Cena’s last ‘big’ promo against Punk, where he dismissed everything Punk has done for the past year of holding the title… a year that saw Cena in the main event month after month where he just played Superman to various villains in the company.) All of that and we see that the Rock has a hill to climb, that he’s willing to pay the price for climbing it, and that he’s ready to face Punk on an even field. We know THIS match is going to be one for the ages… and, unlike Cena, the WWE Champion didn’t need to see notes on the Rocks’ forearm to return the verbal beating. He didn’t crack jokes,  he didn’t smile about it, he didn’t act like he just deserved to win… he talked about what the title meant to him, what his title reign has been like, and he talked about destroying the Rock. He talked about destroying the will of sheeple. He made people believe it. He made people believe in the match.

It must suck to follow the Rock. It must suck even more to see someone else going toe to toe with the Rock and not needing a crutch to get the job done.

And then, the Rock did something John Cena was either unwilling or incapable of doing… he took a beating from three young upstarts, he sold the beating, he spit blood on the mat, and he had the WWE going to commercial without the faintest sign of a smile on his face. Cena took on Ziggler in a cage with interference from Big E Langston and AJ Lee, but he couldn’t even bother to sell a finisher… he couldn’t bother to sell the cage, the distraction, or even the slightest sign that he was remotely bothered by Ziggler. And it wasn’t just one night… it was over the course of the past month or so, Cena gave not one moment to sell for the guy currently holding the Money in the Bank shot that has yet to be cashed in. And in a span of roughly four minutes, the Rock effectively showed that the Shield was a viable threat, dangerous, and CREDIBLE. Can anyone name one star that was made to look credible by Cena?

The Rock MAY win the WWE title, but the story has been a great build up and the feud has been done very well. Five to one odds that no matter the outcome, CM Punk will probably look far more credible in the outset of this match than he has ever looked before. John Cena may win the Royal Rumble, but he’ll likely get more jeers than cheers in the process when all is said and done. The kids will keep on loving him, I suppose. He’s over enough to get by on that for a few more years, but I honestly think he’s starting to hurt the business with this shtick. And the truth is, you can only blame the WWE Writing staff so much for what happens in a given match… the work itself is up to the wrestlers, and Cena doesn’t have to lose to make people look credible. He only ever needs to make it look possible that he could lose.

Dark Shadows : Followed by a spoiler-filled rant.

Dark Shadows: The Tim Burton adaptation

There is a sketch comedy skit about Tim Burton “conceptualizing” his next film project… he takes a creepy concept, makes it more creepy with plenty of black and white stripes, casts Johnny Depp and his wife, uses the same music tempo, and then throws it all together with a film about being a misfit in an uptight community. The thing is, that formula isn’t necessarily a bad thing and he often utilizes it to interesting effects… but he also does it over and over and over again. Dark Shadows is a revisit to the same predictable formula, but it isn’t a bad little trip down familiar roads oft travelled before. It’s often cute, amusing, and whimsically dark… the whole film tends to hinge on Johnny Depp as Barnabus Collins, so much so that we’re sort of left with just Barnabas Collins at nearly every turn.

Dark Shadows has a number of characters who we could have followed in various scenes, but we spend so much time with Barnabus in little gag moments that many of those characters just feel wasted. Michelle Pfeiffer, a brilliant actress who could have brought so much to her role as the family’s matriarch, is reduced to momentary appearances to spout exposition and provide comedic statements that are meant to hide Barnabus’ true nature. Chloe Moritz is mesmerizing, but we hardly get to know her character before the sudden climax of the film, and villainous Angelique is played up as lacking any depth at all for the severity of her curse upon Barnabus. Burton scoops out the whimsy and sprinkles it throughout the film, leaving the audience with just enough of a taste to pass the time but nothing of any substance really get a good meal out of.

Dark Shadows was a fun ride, but severely lacking in several areas. Still, if you’re in the mood for a Tim Burton film, this is a fun movie.

SPOILER ALERT:

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You’ve been warned…. Alright, rant ON!!!

The ending of this film was saccharine sweet and completely without value. It’s meant to be “romantic” but just sort of wallows in this uncomfortable cash-in on giving a “Hollywood” ending to a story with a little more pathos than the conclusion warranted. Barnabus Collins spends the film lamenting his cursed immortal state, feeling badly for every person he’s forced to kill, and that each death takes away a little of his soul. He’s a monster, he knows it, and he knows what it all means….

So when the new “Love of his life” informs him that there’s only one way for them to be together, he rightfully states that to do so would be nothing short of damnation for this woman he loves. A short time before this big moment, keep in mind, he chastises Angelique for wanting to possess him, not love him. So the woman he professes to love throws herself from the cliffs, and he dives after her… sinking his fangs and changing her into a vampire, despite knowing that this is a curse of damnation, that each person she kills will mean tearing away bits of her soul, and that this will happen for all time.  He turns her into a vampire… and we’re told, through voice over, that his “curse” is lifted when she joins him in vampiric immortality.

Is this supposed to be a “feel good” ending for the film? Barnabus Collins now gets to watch the woman he loves devour her own humanity, her own soul, under his watchful eye over the next several hundred years… this is what happens when you give vampires the sparkles, ladies and gentlemen. You get twisted morality like this, where its’ wrong for Angelique to want to possess the charismatic Barnabus, but it’s totally alright for Barnabus to condemn the woman he loves to an eternity of inhumanity.

V/H/S (or... More bitching about Ti West)

V/H/S

So the horror community is going gaga over this movie and I decided I needed to see at least one of the vignettes in this anthology film. So I went home on Saturday night and popped this up on my Netflix streaming video. Settling down… giving it an opportunity… and let’s start the ball rolling.

First, each of the vignettes have two things very much in common… first, they are all shot with a sort of hand-held camera, providing a “first person” view of events. Second, the underlying theme beneath each of these stories is “betrayal”… every story tends to cope with a betrayal of some sort, either direct or something beneath the surface of every situation. The shaky cam effect is a little hard to get used to, but the underlying theme is kind of neat when looking back on the film as a whole.

The first story deals with a trio of men out for a night on the town… the lead character is, essentially, the audience. The shy, somewhat good hearted guy is fitted with a pair of video glasses so the group can look back on the night. He isn’t entirely comfortable with the activities or the glasses, but the voyeuristic streak keeps us in line throughout the story where he meets “Lilly” and the three men bring her and another girl back to their hotel room. Lilly seems a sweet, uncomfortable, and slightly uncertain young girl who constantly looks to the lead character and stares into his eyes with a whisper, “I like you.” She tells him this one statement a number of times… and things turn out far differently than is expected for all three men.

Director Ti West brings us the second and weakest story of the bunch when we follow a young couple out for their Second Honeymoon. The wife records most of their activity and there’s plenty to foreshadow what’s to come, but the ending fell far flat for me and I am personally kind of irked that Ti West is seen as some sort of a savior to the Horror Genre by so many “fans”.

Some kids head out for a weekend in the woods in the next vignette. They are stalked by a slasher-killer of some manner. It’s an interesting if ultimately eventless piece with an cool monster sort of caught on film. I get the feeling I’ve seen one of the young actors some place before, but I honestly can’t remember where from… it’s going to haunt me, I’m fairly sure. I’ll have to look it up. Ah well.

Next we have a film that sort of breaks the theme of shooting on first person when we watch a video chat between a guy and his girlfriend over the course of a number of weeks. It’s a fairly creepy story, though… I enjoyed the ending and thought this story, at least, did more with the time it had than most of the other pieces so far.

The fourth film in the anthology was probably my favorite… it wasn’t anything amazing, but more the story of a group of buddies who may have taken a wrong turn somewhere and wound up in a haunted house on Halloween night. This one is definitely twisted and had one of the better reasons for someone to be shooting the whole thing from the first person point of view… specifically, he’s wearing a “nanny-cam” bear suit. I found it funny and a little more plausible than some of the people who were running around with cameras.

Bookending each of the stories is a vignette that runs through the whole of the piece… a group of thuggish friends are hired to break in and steal a v/h/s from an old dilapidated house. When they get there they find the elderly tenant dead in front of a number of monitors and VCR players with a pile of VHS movies on the floor. Each vignette comes from one of these tapes, watched by one member of the group after another.

Over all, I thought the premise was interesting and the execution delivered well enough. The film was an interesting experiment where some of the shorts worked far better than others, but the over-all effect made for a decent enough film. Some of the stories lacked a concrete ending, leaving things up in the air for a number of the stories. “Amateur Night” and “Lake in the Woods” both seemed to have far more story to them than was allowed with the time constraints, but the bookend and the “Skype”-ish story seemed complete enough on their own.  I still don’t see what all the hype is behind Ti West and I thought his vignette was the weakest of the bunch.  I’m kind of looking forward to the films sequel currently in the works.

4.5 out of 5.

RAW 20th Anniversary thoughts:

^{RAW 20th} Anniversary thoughts:

*Warning: Some things are going to be out of order. These are thoughts, not an in depth review.

McMahon opens in the ring with some comments for the fans, but gets interrupted by the Big Show. This is all so they can set up a match between Show and Alberto Del Rio at the Royal Rumble, a World Title rematch. They are mostly just setting Alberto up as a big Face, which oddly seems to fit him far more than the heel persona he’s been playing for the past year and a half. I’m not even kidding… Alberto Del Rio seems much more naturally inclined toward the Face role, much more comfortable with cheers, and the match is on for the Rumble. Decent stuff, mostly solid, I have nothing to complain about here.

The Intercontinental champion faces Randy Orton, though I’m not sure if this is a title defense of not… but here’s the big shocker: Wade Barrett not only wins, but he does so clean with a solid Bull Hammer elbow. Orton is pinned clean by the heel champion… not sure if people are really aware of how huge that win actually is for Barrett, but Orton has been golden boy for so long that a clean loss like this maneuvers Barrett and his title into a much better picture.

A really good segment with Team Hell No and their doctor… entertaining, funny, and perfectly fits within the confines of a wrestling angle. It has a purpose, it develops the feud with Rhodes Scholars, and it gives the team a chance to do something more than JUST argue with one another. As much as Bryan and Kane have been comedy gold, the schtick does need to grow beyond the same rehashed moments over and over again… this segment allowed for some real growth.

The two matches are spaced wide apart, but both are good and Team Hell No both grab individual wins over the upcoming challengers at the Royal Rumble. Everyone takes huge advantage of the television time they have, decent television timed matches from all involved.

Foley inducted into the Hall of Fame, huge deal and a great moment for the fans who have followed his career… I’m a big Foley mark as I’ve loved Cactus Jack since the first I saw him. But he doesn’t get a chance to have that big “moment” when the Shield come down to rain on his parade. This would seem like a huge jeer from a fan like me, but I’m actually thrilled he took this big moment and used it to help put over the three young guys and Ryback when he came down for the save. Little thing I loved about that is Dean Ambrose’s reaction when Ryback’s music hit… this frustrated stomp and the rolling eyes bit was a huge sell, and while many marks may have overlooked it that little reaction sold the moment better than a huge pop from the audience.

Little side note… they’ve been showing tweets all night from past and current stars on the roster, including an interesting comment from the internet “sensation” that is Zack Ryder. The recent end to his internet show and some recent tweets have made it sound very much like Ryder is on his way out the door… frank truth is that the WWE dropped the ball when it came to cashing in on his successful self-promotion but they may finally start gaining some dividends if they’re just building up a heel turn. Frankly, he really does need the heel turn or something big to put him back on the map or the WWE is going to wind up losing a guy whose tireless self-promotion will go to work for someone else. Ryder isn’t the best worker in the ring or on the mic, but he’s capable of upper midcard right now and could probably develop himself much higher if he’s lucky.

CM Punk vs. Brodus Clay is getting some “heat” from a couple of smart marks on the Wrestlemaniacs facebook group as being a pointless segment that didn’t actually do anything for either wrestler. I don’t only beg to differ, I’m going to give a little lesson in the psychology of character and storyline development.

An advertised segment for the Rock Concert absolutely demanded a response from CM Punk… and what better response than for him to come out and wrestle a match? This is a man who calls himself the best WRESTLER in the world, not entertainer and he’s not some Hollywood part time star. He isn’t there to trade verbal barbs with Dwayne Johnson, he’s there to put his knee into the face of his opponent. By taking on the 400 Lbs. monster known as Brodus Clay he’s able to add legitimacy with a clean win, he’s able to openly mock the fan friendly dancing, and he’s able to solidify the differences between him and The Rock.

What did this match do for Clay? Perhaps some people only pay attention to the winners and losers, but the match showed Clay as a brutal monster capable of being far more aggressive than he has been in the past year. He tosses wrestlers over his shoulder, he drops them on their heads, and he barrels through them with a fairly brutal offense… and he’s shucking and jiving for the kids to get a big pop. This match opens the door for him to get more aggressive… he took a certain offense to CM Punks’ comments, and maybe he takes it with a heel turn or he decides to defend his own choices with regards to his character. This match provided a terrific opportunity for Clay to showcase his ability in the ring and find a foot-hold to develop his character beyond the Funkasaurus Rex simplicity that has relegated him to the lower card.

Rock and Sock Connection back stage and the magic between them is still there. But it felt like something more could have come from this segment, and it just fell a little flat toward the end. It served to pretty much remind the fans that the advertised “Rock Concert” was going to happen near the end of the show, that the Rock was really there, and that he was going to lay a verbal beating on Vicki. Yay?

The Miz interviews the Natchah Boyeee(!) in a segment that served to look back on catch phrases throughout the twenty years of RAW… and, the Miz is still supposed to be a face and he’s still supposedly over in the eyes of the WWE. This segment goes on… and on…. And on… before Antonio Cesaro hits the ring and drags the segment out even further by allowing the Miz to put the figure four leglock on him after Ric Flair chops him a few times. Dumb segment made dumber by not putting over the heel, made even stupider by the time allotment for this segment. JEESH!!!

Sheamus vs. the 3MB… was odd. I like that Sheamus was eliminated and that the 3MB finally managed to win a match. Sheamus seems to be kind of stuck right now, hitting that brogue kick every week on people. No feud in the near future. Not sure what they want to be doing with him, to be honest. This was mostly an excuse to talk about the Royal Rumble, let’s be honest.

Build up to the steel cage main event… and the cage match itself can be encapsulated with the following statement: Nothing says “credible opponent” quite as much as having John Cena repeatedly defeat Dolph Ziggler and his brand new debuting bodyguard in a series of matches designed around the fact that Cena is superman. The past few weeks have been time well spent on having the all ready over and shining golden John Cena repeatedly beat Dolph Ziggler in one match after another. Bravo?

Rock concert… CM Punk interrupts.

Eh, it was okay. 

8 out of a possible 10, or 4 out of 5. Not out of the park awesome, but better than average.